Moving slowly amongst the narrow streets, sinking deeper into the darkness of an unknown area, Kris felt like drifting away slowly from the miserable reality he was forced to live in and opening the door to a new, better, world… one perhaps he had hoped to find. Evil and misfortunes are a necessity for we cannot know true happiness and content without brutal stabs onto the skin that pierce and let the blood of grief, sadness and most of all loneliness flow down. But as soon as they start to flow and the pain of the cut becomes an integrated part of the being,and a new, more pleasant feeling finds its way to the sensitive surface … a vague, at first, tingling … then as soon as the skin identifies it, it will start to grow into something more powerful that corrupts the entire body, cell by cell and fiber by fiber. It becomes complete. And almost unbearable…
Kris let Ferr lead him into the darkness following blindly with steady footsteps behind him and occasionally shifting his eyes over the contours that surrounded him temporarily as they went on. He was insane to do this, to follow this man to his appartment. A stranger that had conquered his mind in a mere discussion over a drink. Insanity he thought. But it was not enough to make him turn and leave this experience behind him to crawl back to his menial existence.
Is it far? … he asked in a lowered voice as if not to disturb the stillness.
Ferr turned his head slightly just enough to let the young photographer see his profile … and his serene smile.
No. Just a bit more.
Strangely, the unpreciseness of his answered bothered him. He had always liked to deal with things when he knew precise dates, quantities, time for them. They gave him the feeling that he truly was on top of the situations always just because he could grasp the idea of definite numbers a lot better than he could vague answers. He suddenly realized even more vividly that he -was not- in charge of his own life in this moment at all and felt a strong flow of panic overcome him, making him stop in his tracks suddenly. Petrified.
Ferr stopped as well and turned more than the previous time. He tilted his head very slightly to one side and asked in an almost whispered voice.
What's the matter…? …but the young photographer could not mutter a single word, just standing there stiffened at his own thoughts.
… Ferr turned fully to face Kris and approached him with feline movements until he was standing a small step away from him. His eyes searched the photographer's face to find the answer to what he had asked… and he indeed saw it, shining violently in his widened eyes in the dark. Ferr's expression turned into a slightly amused one as a small half-smile animated his face… He stepped even closer to him and whispered close to the young man's ear…
Are you afraid of me? … or .. of what I might do .. to you?
…Kris let the air out of his lungs out very slowly as a strange affirmative answer to both those questions. He was indeed in denial. His mind had told him already that he has nothing to lose or to go back to, but his spirit was strangulating his being, urging him to turn and go back. Ferr had heard the faint sound the air made so close to his skin … and suddenly slided an arm around the young man's waist. The heart of this beautiful boy was pounding in expectation.. in fear… and again he had another strange awareness of how very Alive he really was. Ferr was delighted to have a heart like that beat so close to his own chest. He leaned his lips slightly downwards and breathed onto Kris' skin… whispering…
You compliment me so, Kris. You can be frightened of me all you want, but I do want you to trust me. Trust in me.
…and as soon as the air rolled onto Kris' skin, Ferr stepped back, sliding his arm away and straightening his stature. How imposing he looked now, standing so perfectly between shadow and light that only the contours of his expensive coat and his long hair could be seen on that narrow alley-way. He stood smiling warmly at the photographer in a silent, yet convincing invitation to continue their walk … to his appartment.